things that suck/don't suck

strength.

i have really been tested in both school and my personal life over the last few weeks. i tend to get a little freaked out by stress and anxiety. i’ve been trying to adopt a new calm demeanor. i’m trying to make “oh well” and “c’est la vie” my new mantras. haha. i’ve also had things put into perspective lately, and i’m hoping this feeling is going to last.

school was going great up until a couple of weeks ago. all of a sudden, things are getting much more stressful. how apt that we just learned about stress management a couple of weeks ago in learning strategies. at the time, everything was good with school and stuff, but suddenly i find myself really needing those stress-relief tactics. i started to have a panic attack this morning after i missed a quiz due to really bad traffic (again with the traffic!). my chest was tight, and my back was tense. but i did deep breathing and told myself that what’s done is done, and that in the grand scheme of things, this matters not. of course, my grade matters. but it’s so much less important than a lot of other things.

over the past week, i’ve been reminding myself constantly of my two favorite scriptures. i memorized joshua 1:9 during vacation bible school when i was in fifth grade, and it has stuck with me all these years:

have i not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

that verse has gotten me through some really rough times in my life. i’ve written it on a sheet of paper and hung it up in our past homes when willy was in the navy. reading that verse gave me so much strength and comfort. i think i need to make another poster to remind myself more often.

another favorite verse of mine is one that many people are familiar with. philippians 4:13:

i can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

so i’m putting this into use yet again:

which i happen to have in a large frame at the base of the stairs in our house. πŸ™‚

i’m throwing off insecurity, anxiety, and fear. i’m keeping my chin up, holding my head high, knowing i am a strong, good person, and that i can do everything i set my mind to. (and if i don’t reach every goal i make for myself, who cares?) Β πŸ™‚

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“congratulations, you’re an idiot.” and a little with/without/covet mixed in.

so i went to this workshop thing at the college of charleston yesterday, where i’m transferring the 60 credits i earned at the 2-year college here. i did it that way so it would be (much, much) cheaper.

i will admit that i left c of c eleven years ago on academic probation. i had sort of a traumatic experience, and then some issues that ensued that i really wasn’t aware of. i didn’t really realize how much it had effected me until years later. anyway, i’m not making excuses for the bad decisions i made back then. but now that i know the reasons behind them.

so i went to this mandatory workshop thing yesterday, where i learned that i have to take a class that might as well be called, “hey, you’re an idiot.” Β it’s a learning strategies class, and i DO NOT NEED IT. i just turned thirty, for crying out loud. i was on the dean’s list for the last two years with mostly A’s (i had two B’s. stupid history classes.). obviously, i’ve proven that i’ve lived and learned and know how to do things right. i’m an intelligent person, damn it, with a high IQ (i’m not bragging–just stating facts).

can’t live with: taking this stupid class.

so anyway, i’ve emailed the director of undergrad to appeal my case to her. in the meantime, i’m signed up for the stupid class. it wouldn’t be such an issue, but here’s the clencher:

it doesn’t count toward my gpa OR count as actual credit hours!!!!!!!! translation: for me, it’s a waste of time and money. this is especially frustrating since we’ve been saving for quite a while so we can pay cash for my tuition and not have to take out any loans.

sigh.

i don’t mean to sound whiny. i just don’t think it’s something i need.

in other news, i registered for classes. the only thing i need to finish my general requirements is one math class. so i registered for that. the rest of the classes i need are for my major/minor. the bad news is that since it’s so late in the registration period, most of my classes are filled. the good news is: i got into painting 1. πŸ™‚ Β i’m pretty nervous about that one. of course, it’s really just an extension of drawing, only you’re using paints instead of graphite or charcoal. the other two classes i’m taking are that stupid learning strategies thing and theatre. since none of the other classes in my major or minor are available, i figured i’d just take a random elective. my sister said she really enjoyed theatre, so i’ll take it.

i also emailed my advisor for my major (who is actually a photographer, which is my concentration) to see if i can make an appointment with her before the semester starts. the faculty advisor i saw yesterday told me that sometimes your major advisor can let you into the classes that are filled if they’re for your major. i really want to be in photography 2 before i forget stuff! haha.

sorry for the venting. that’s just one little dark spot on an otherwise wonderful month. tonight i’m going to make chili and try my hand at homemade marshmallows. we’ll see how that turns out. maybe i’ll do a tutorial if they turn out well. (i promise not to accidentally delete the pictures this time!)

can’t live without: Β the love, support, and encouragement my hubster gives me daily. he puts up with *a lot* from me. don’t know what i’d do without him. his birthday is five days after christmas, and sometimes it’s hard to remember to set aside a gift for his birthday! which is sad, and makes me feel like a bad wife. but i just came up with the *best* idea for his birthday gift this morning! i’m going to start on it later today. i’ll let you know how it goes. πŸ™‚

covet: vintage luggage. this one’s from bear versus goose at etsy.

and this one’s from get ready set go at etsy. i LOVE yellow.

wait, what?

you’re not supposed to celebrate labor day by quitting your job? well, damn. i wish someone had told me that before i did it.

just kidding.

not about the quitting my job part, though. i did. i loved it most days, but there were a few things that i was not comfortable with when it came to content after i did a little research. i won’t go into it, because i really can’t, but my conscience is much clearer. πŸ˜‰

so what am i doing now?

i’m certainly not going to school this semester, because college of charleston sucks. they lost paperwork (more than once), and it was a struggle to stay in contact with them all summer long. and then they told me i didn’t apply til after the deadline.

so. not. true.

those asshats took their sweet time, lost my transcripts (when i had to pay a pretty penny to put a rush order on them from california, by the way), were horrible with communicating. read: never communicated with me. i had to initiate ALL contact when i realized there was a problem. they *never* told me they needed anything from me. i had to check the admissions website to find my application progress. that’s how i found that they’d “never received” my transcripts. bs. they lost them. chick emailed me and was all, “oh! i found them!” Β yeah, they were probably sitting in your stupid desk drawer or trash can.

that school is the WORST about organization and communication. grr.

anyway.

so right now i’m writing a lot (imagine that. i quit my writing job to write more. lol) and doing research for my awesome nanowrimo plot. i cannot wait. i’m going to nail it this year, since i’m NOT IN SCHOOL. grr.

speaking of school, there’s an open house at the art institute on saturday, which i’m probably going to go to. i can a bachelors of fine arts there instead of a basic liberal arts BA in studio arts. this means i can actually concentrate on one area (photography), and the classes are all focused on going more deeply into art. for example, color theory is one of the first classes.

i’m not so sure about it yet, because it’s a lot more expensive than c of c, but we’ll see…

so anyway, for the time being, i’m writing, doing art projects (which i haven’t been able to touch for the last two months due to being so busy with work!), and looking for another job…

hope everybody had a great labor day! we had a great time visiting our friends in nashville. ❀

tired.

i’m so tired of being tired all the time.

except for when it’s time to go to bed. then i’m wide a-freakin’-wake.

this is terribly frustrating.

lately, i haven’t been able to get to sleep til sometime before 3am. which makes me sleep til around 11am. it’s embarrassing, really. i feel like people think i’m lazy. but they obviously don’t understand what it’s like to be so tired & not be able to turn off your mind just to get some sleep.

i’m still working with my doctor to get my thyroid issues under control. my recent bloodwork showed that my thyroid was still abnormal, so she upped my dosage of medication. now i have to go back for more bloodwork in six weeks instead of the previously prescribed six months. dang. i was very happy about not having to get needle sticks for another six months. lol.

so we got the good news yesterday afternoon that the hubster doesn’t have to work today, which is amazing. now he can go with me to my mom & dad’s so he can help me shoot pics of my dad’s 1950 plymouth for my final project. the assignment is to photograph one object five different ways. each photo has to be able to stand on its own as a beautiful piece that you would hang on your wall, yet all five pieces must go together.

i figured a classic car would be an awesome way to do that.

or a bicycle.

but i’m going with the car.

later tonight, we may go see some band the hubster’s friend suggested. their name is “left lane closed”, which is a pretty lame name if you ask me. they just do covers, which i normally don’t care for, but we shall see.

so now i’m off to do my photo shoot (i feel so professional when i say that. LOL).

and hopefully i can convince him to take me to lunch first. πŸ˜‰

ugh.

firstly, i tried my hand at french braiding my own hair today–one on each side. yeah, not so much. maybe it’s because i haven’t washed my hair today…heh…

i’m not living in a house today, but a germ incubator. it all started last friday when foxycleopatra started feeling sick. she went home from work with a fever, all achy and blah. we spent time together on sunday at a family event, and then we worked out on monday (kudos to her for actually doing stuff while sick. i’m a big baby.) and she hung out at our house for a bit afterwards.

then yesterday (tuesday) morning, the hubster came home at 10am with a fever and aches and chills and headache. he took some motrin & went straight to bed. last night i started feeling weak and nauseous and i woke up with a stomach/headache this morning.

the hubster’s upstairs sleeping right now. he has a dr. appointment at 4pm. i’m downstairs on the couch with my boyfriends coffee, motrin, and TCM. although i’m not really interested in the movie that’s playing right now… i’m contemplating whether i should watch marie antoinette, casablanca, or sabrina. or maybe even something else. who knows?

stupid homework.

what i should be doing:

stupid history homework. i have a quiz & paper due by midnight. sigh.

what i’m actually doing:

daydreaming with my textbook & notebook open. also admiring my sparkly zebra shoes. er…and blogging…

what i really want to be doing:

art on my own terms. i have *so* many cute ideas for paintings & other projects right now. (these words were cut out of felt & stuck onto a gessoed canvas. the gesso wouldn’t spread right, but it ended up looking really cool–like a whitewashed wood panel! i’ll have to get an up-close detail shot of it sometime.)

i completed a still life in drawing class today that i actually didn’t hate. our instructor wanders around the room and examines everybody’s work and techniques & gives advice & just talks to us about cool stuff (he’s a muso, like me!). his comments on my drawing progressed from “good” to “nice” to “very nice!” with an emphatic nod. πŸ™‚ Β i’m excited to get my pine cone drawing back & see my grade…

oooookay. on to the homework. at least i’m finished with the french revolution and moving on to the industrial revolution. those french liberals were assholes, dude. viva la marie antoinette!

listening to: http://lstn.urbanoutfitters.com

to-not-do

what am i doing today, you ask? (if you didn’t ask, i’m telling you anyway.) well, i’m feeling under the weather. i started feeling all icky on sunday. i woke up with a congested/runny nose and the icky smell/taste that comes with sinus drainage. i’ve had those same symptoms for the past few days, along with awful pressure in my sinuses, especially when i lie down. i was a trooper for most of the week and went to school, figuring it wasn’t bad enough to justify getting big fat “O”s on the two projects i had due this week (the art department has a “deadline-or-zero” policy). today, we were supposed to start a new project today, and i’m feeling really guilty about not being there for it. i need to email my drawing teacher and let him know the circumstances so he won’t be mad at me on monday. anyway, here’s what i’m doing today:

*feasting on the cupcakes and roast chicken i made yesterday. how does that saying go? feed a cold, starve a fever? well, i don’t have a fever. πŸ˜‰

*watching TCM under the covers on the couch. ahhh, gene kelly. so handsome. coincidentally, one of my fave bloggers is also sick and doing the same thing. hee.

*not working out. i feel guilty about this too, especially b/c i haven’t worked out in a week. plus, it’s a really sunny day. but it’s also really cold.

*maybe doing some writing. and reading.

*drinking tea.

it would all be very divine and lovely if i wasn’t sick, but at least it’s comforting and warm. πŸ™‚