i can’t sleep.
that is so frustrating.
so since i’m up with a little midnight snack and some “king of the hill” playing quietly on the tv, i figured i’d blog. here’s a little bedtime story for you:
last week once upon a time, tiff a beautiful princess awoke from her precious beauty sleep to find that she had a very red and sore spot on her shoulder. it happened to be surrounding a little flesh-colored bump that she’d had on her shoulder for a very long time. this bump had been a bone of contention with willy prince charming, as he had been bugging the crap out of her bowing at her feet and pleading with her to get it checked out by the doctor royal healer. the princess insisted that it was just a beauty mark, and there was no need to bother the royal healer with such trivial issues.
the princess was baffled by this red, sore spot on her shoulder. over the next few days, the spot became more swollen and felt very hot. she attempted to hide the spot from prince charming. but alas, he discovered the spot one evening while the princess was changing into her jammies the royal sleeping robes. prince charming was not very happy with the princess for trying to hide it from him. he insisted that she call the royal healer as soon as she awoke the next day.
because it’s so hard to get a doctor’s appointment with this flu thing going around the royal healer had to travel a long way, he wasn’t able to tend to the princess til the next thursday. the princess was very nervous. she started researching her symptoms on webmd consulting the royal seer, who told her that the very red, sore, and swollen spot on her shoulder was probably a boil diamond.
while the gorgeous, lovely princess was rocking out at the ryan adams concert wednesday night attending a beautiful opera put on in her honor, the diamond ruptured. she was way grossed out grew faint with concern, as there was a lot of pus and blood diamond dust coming from the spot. she was also a little relieved, because it gave her hope that the royal healer wouldn’t have to use needles or knives leeches on her beautiful, fair skin. when prince charming and the princess got home, he helped her wash and dress the area with a bandage while she sobbed and blubbered like a little whiny baby because it hurt so bad. once the princess calmed down, she was able to fall into a restful sleep.
the next morning, the princess awoke to find that the spot was a little less red, but there was now a hole there. she was extremely nervous about her appointment with the royal healer. prince charming was able to take a couple of hours off from work slaying dragons and being generally charming to be with the princess. even though the princess was scared, she was very brave as the royal healer’s nurse poked and prodded and took a culture and then squeezed a bunch of diamond dust out of the wound. the princess felt very faint and asked if she could lie on the exam table swoon into prince charming’s arms before she passed out on the floor. when the royal healer came in, she examined the princess’s wound, wiped the blood diamond dust from her shoulder, placed a bandage on it, and prescribed a round of antibiotics magic potion.
the princess was very proud of herself for not fainting or crying. you see, being such a dainty and beautiful and frail princess, she did not have a very high tolerance for pain. prince charming asked the royal healer if the boil diamond had anything to do with the flesh-colored bump beauty mark. the royal healer said no, that it was just a pure coincidence that the diamond was right next to the beauty mark. she also said that the beauty mark was just a cyst a magical beauty mark, and was nothing to worry about.
(so there, prince charming. the princess was right all along about her beauty mark.)
prince charming and the princess went back to their beautiful castle and went to mom & dad’s house for chinese food/tv night joined the king and queen in a fabulous banquet in honor of the beautiful, gorgeous, lovely, pretty, dainty, stylish, amazing princess.
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. the end.